Funny Facts

I know prison isn’t funny, but trust me, after spending time inside, you’ll get the humor.

  1. The lower the IQ the louder the mouth.
  2. Its easy to get in, hard to get out.
  3. Some men thrive, some wilt.
  4. Freedom is a state of mind.
  5. There’s nowhere to hide from anything or anyone. It creates the perfect environment for self-awareness.
  6. Regardless of the extent of the injury or ailment, you will have trained medical personnel look you in the eye, with complete seriousness and try to convince you that Ibuprofen will correct the condition.
  7. No matter who you are, or how long you’ve been in, some idiot is going to try you.
  8. You will never know the condition of someones mental stability unit you have shared a cell with them.
  9. Try as you might, you can never explain any of it to your family. There is only on way for them to understand it. Pray they never do.
  10. You may encounter a coffee cup that hasn’t been washed in 10 years.
  11. Anything can be sold; spots in line, pet lizards, crickets to feed your pet lizard, bed making service, the food off your tray, drugs, wine, sex, protection, art work, tattoos, laundry service, pen pals, magazines and books. Donald Trump would be proud.
  12. You will find out, no matter how hard you try, you can not move objects with your mind.
  13. There are 7,926 ways to prepare Romen Noodle soup.
  14. There is no possible way to explain to a five year old why you can’t come to visit them.
  15. No matter how many pair of hand cuffs, leg irons, or waist chains you have on, you will find a way to scratch an itch no matter where it is.
  16. You will find yourself happily eating food that your own mother was never able to get your to touch.
  17. At 3am out of a dead sleep, you will be able to instantly recite a six digit number faster then your own name.
  18. You will see things that you wish you hadn’t and wish for things you’ll never see.
  19. While dreaming of having sex with someone miles and years away, there may be someone 20ft away dreaming of having sex with you.
  20. You can spend a life time in here without ever owning anything larger then a pair of shoes.
  21. Its becomes really easy to worry about even the slightest medial problem.
  22. When you have a long awaited visit from your family scheduled for the next day, someone, who you know in your heart you can beat in a fight, is going to run his mouth and you are going to have to stand there and eat it.
  23. You will find out that insanity come in many forms and degrees.
  24. You will realize that if you had followed the advice of that women that loved you, your life would have been very different.
  25. You will discover that many of our best memories can be relived through songs.
  26. Even the worst childhood can be looked back on fondly.
  27. Some men will do damn near anything for a cigarette.
  28. You will see a poisonous spider in your cell, start to kill it, decide it isn’t hurting anything, start to feed it and get mad if anyone tries to kill it.
  29. You will be amazed at what can be hidden under a shirt.
  30. You will learn that almost everyone has at least one redeeming value.
  31. There isn’t as much snitching going on as people think. The idiots are just too damn stupid to realize they keep doing thing that get themselves caught.
  32. The lowest form of life is the locker thief.
  33. Hope is the strongest force of nature.
  34. True happiness is experienced upon receiving a letter from home.
  35. I once had an argument with a guy. I said there were 50 states in the US. He said there were 52, some how I lost the argument.
  36. When someone tells you that he owns a fleet of trucks, you have to assume that he really knows someone that owns a fleet of trucks.
  37. Its just a hustle.
  38. You just may discover that you have a knack for counting the holes in a window screen.
  39. On a cold winter morning you will realize there is a special place in hell reserved for the inventor of the stainless steel toilet.
  40. A rule does not require a function.
  41. You will find out that there is an incredible amount of songs that make reference to doing time.
  42. The stupid shall inherit the control of the TV.
  43. You will realize you truly didn’t appreciate a damn thing you had.
  44. There is no saving some people from themselves.
  45. You will meet the doctor, lawyer or artist that could have been.
  46. Being asleep can be the greatest thing.
  47. Minding your own business is a virtue and it may save your life.
  48. The dam-nest people get out, and keep coming back, while some good people sit and grow old.
  49. You will meet people who can recall every super bowl game ever played, recite all the plays, players and stats, but can’t get their GED.
  50. A person locked in cell A will make a deal with the person in cell B to obtain a cigarette. Though the cells are locked and a hundred feel apart, the cigarette will make it from cell B to A with help from the outside.
  51. Someone who has killed a dozen people will cry over the death of a pet mouse.
  52. Some cops should be inmates, some inmates should be cops.
  53. Most times a persons crimes will tell you nothing of that person.
  54. You will find out that you can make a pet of damn near anything.
  55. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, usually back to their cells to they won’t get in trouble.
  56. You will see two guys playing cards, and overhear one of the guys call the other guy the luckiest SOB that he has ever seen, even though the SOB in question may have spent 30 years in prison.
  57. You can find yourself hating someone you know absolutely nothing about.
  58. Books, not dogs, are mans best friend.
  59. Give a guy a chance to prove himself and he will, one way or another.
  60. When you first get to prison beware of the first person who comes to talk to you. This guy wants something, and be being new, you are probably the only person in the place that doesn’t see him for who he is.
  61. The minutes seem like hours, the days like months, and years, when ticking by seem like seconds.
  62. Never judge a book by its cover, just assume its a horror story and leave it at that.
  63. Some of the most dangerous people you will ever encounter may have shaved legs.
  64. You don’t have to win the fight, just participate.
  65. If you walk up on a guy punching himself in the face, while looking into a mirror, leave him alone. He knows what he’s doing and you don’t want to know.
  66. If your friend is reading a book it means that he is either bored, or wants to be left alone. If he is wearing headphones while reading a book, it definitely means he want to be left alone. If he is reading a book, while wearing headphones, and facing the wall, it means you have about one more chance.
  67. In 20 years time, you can become as smart, or as stupid as its possible to get.
  68. Never go to sleep with our eyes or ears covered, you just might wake up with your mouth covered.
  69. If no one asks for your input don’t offer it. If someone does ask, be careful, chances are good that you are about to piss someone off.
  70. Make noise where ever you go, it just might save your from seeing something you wish you hadn’t.
  71. Never ask about the health of someones family until you are absolutely positively sure that they didn’t kill them.
  72. I don’t know how they do it, but you got to give the buttons on the sink some credit. They know the exact moment, to the split second, the worst possible time to turn off.
  73. Never, never, never turn off the fan in the summer – you will get hurt.
  74. 1st rule about getting a tattoo – Don’t move! 2nd rule – Don’t move! 3rd rule – Don’t Fucking Move!!